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New Year's Revolution

The year is 2023. I'm not one to typically start the year off with a bunch of resolutions, or any for that matter. I'm averse to resolutions. Because what is a resolution, but a goal? I don't like setting goals. I'm not saying this out of pride; I know that it's a problem.

It makes sense. I don't like setting goals because setting a goal is just a couple of steps away from admitting failure. If you never set any goals, you can't fail. It's foolproof.

Except.

Except that there are fewer opportunities for success, by the same measure. Sure, successes come along sporadically in life. Little surprises, little miracles, little wins. But is an unintentional win as tasty as something you've been working toward? I'd argue not.

So I find myself attempting to face that fear of failure. I spent my "winter break" (the week between Christmas and New Year that I took PTO and relished in having "nothing to do") charting my accomplishments from last year and coming up with a tangible list of goals for 2023. 

I had a lot of wins in 2022. I read a bunch, I got my finances in order, I traveled, I took a stand-up class, to name a few. It's not that I didn't have things I wanted to do; it's that I didn't want to be held accountable if things didn't work out. Accountable to who? It's mainly myself, I guess. But there's also that fear of letting other people down. On the very slim chance that I even have a goal defined in the first place, I don't want to let others in on the plan, because what's worse than letting yourself down? Letting yourself down in front of other people, while they keep asking, "How's that thing going you wanted to do?"

It needs to stop. This whole not trying thing. Or rather, I need to start trying, and being openly intentional about it. But the important part isn't that I'm being "open" with other people, but more so myself.

I turn 40 this year. That might have something to do with it. Or it might not. But I bet it does.

I'm wondering what I have to show for my accomplishments as the years go by. And I'm catching myself now when I see someone else kicking ass and I think to myself, "I wish I could be like that." Like, the only way to do something is to just start doing it.

So, over "winter break," I came up with a list of things I want to accomplish in 2023. Some of them I will succeed at and I'm willing to accept that on some of them, I will fall short. But! I will have made more progress even on those failures than if I hadn't set that goal in the first place.

I realize this is not a huge revelation. This is common knowledge. But I don't think it's necessary common practice. I think a lot of people are like I have been historically: cruising, hoping for the best.

I won't share all of my goals. But I do want to put one big one down.

I've committed to "doing a project" in each month of 2023. That's only 12 projects (I checked the calendar, trust me). Like, imagine being able to look back over 5 years and seeing that you did 60 different projects. The feeling of seeing that would be like, "Yeah, I'm not wasting my life. I'm taking control over my life and living it." That's what I want for myself.

I don't have the whole year planned out yet. I don't think I need to. It's okay to have that be kind of fluid based on how things are going and where my interests are flowing. 

In January, I completed my project/goal of completely rebuilding my personal website from scratch and launching it. It's something I'd been wanting to do since I was in coding bootcamp in 2017. Time passes quickly with the things that we "should do sometime."

February I'm focusing on on humor writing, taking a course at Second City. I haven't focused much on writing in recent years, again, another thing that I "should do sometime."

So that's my intention/goal/resolution/revolution for 2023 -- doing the things.

Off I go!

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